A Christmas Chronicle
Compiled for the Cleaveland House Christmas, 2003
1982: Touchstone. Household: Mica and William, who have only recently moved in. William and Janaia have known each other a little over a year, having met through a graphics job. Dark and quiet Christmas Eve gathering: Mica, William, Janaia, Shanja (Janaia’s partner, with whom she was in the process of separating), others as well. Betsey and Kris? I have no memory of them, but they had certainly been part of our Halloween move-in, when Kris memorably wore the white lace dress that William could no longer fit into…Perhaps this was the year they went to DC. William goes to Midnight Mass at Grace Cathedral in his black velvet suit, and walking back down to Market St. is accosted by a prostitute, for the first and only time. Mica and William go to Redwood City for Christmas Day, either to Rain’s or to Mica’s sister’s. Did we go another year after this as well? I can’t remember, and there’s no one alive who could tell me.
1983: Touchstone. Household: Mica, William, Harry, Patrick. Patrick is away—what about Harry? And was his sister Mary Michael with us? Surely this was the year that she created the Touchstone garden…was she still in SF at Christmas? Big dinner on Christmas night in the front room (table perpendicular to street)—Janaia, Betsey and Kris, Mica and Bob Alexander, Mark Thompson and Barry Cundiff, William, maybe Harry and Mary Michael—or did Harry go East, and/or have Christmas with Richard? My notes don’t say. But I’m pretty sure this was the year that Mica was still painting the front hall when the first guests arrived—no doubt a challenge (conscious?) to William’s fixation on propriety.
1984: Touchstone. Household: Mica, William, Lin Mazlo, Patrick (Harry having left in August). The Pagan Christmas. On Christmas night, we eat on our laps in the parlor and drum around the fire—Betsey and Kris, Mica and RockSand, Lin Mazlo (arriving late, having flown from New York) Jack Davis, William and John Dunlap, John’s friends Kathy and Ellen. Was this the year Janaia and RockSand dressed in green and red, respectively, as Mother and Father Christmas? More likely 1985, but it could have been this year…
1985: Touchstone. Household: Mica, William, Patrick, Harry and James (having just moved in as a couple). Buffet dinner on Christmas Night, carol singing around the piano—Harry and James, Janaia, Mica, Betsey and Kris (?), Patrick and Ed (?), John Dunlap, Doug Hoyt (William’s Shanti client), many others… William gives John the Long Chen Pa piece, having broken up with him six months before; Mrs. Anteater appears later in the evening. Did Janaia and RockSand appear as Mother and Father Christmas? See above. Was this the year Kris had such a bad cold, and sat in the parlor nursing tea with rum through most of the holiday?
1986: Touchstone. Household: Mica, William, Harry and James (just diagnosed). Elegant, tender Christmas Eve dinner in the front room (table parallel to street)—three parents present: Caroline, Frank, and Lucy (Betsey’s mother); also William, Mica, Harry and James, Betsey, Mary Michael; Steve, after dinner. Kris absent, in DC. James sings Harry’s AIDS songs (and perhaps other pieces as well) to Harry’s accompaniment on the piano—deeply moving. Was Janaia at this dinner? My notes make no mention of it, but I believe she was. Menu includes the Root Platter, as well as Chestnut Loaf en Brioche. Church on Christmas Eve? Trinity Episcopal, with Harry and James? On Christmas day, Mica, William, Betsey, Lucy, and Frank take a walk in Buena Vista Park (we wonder how a stranger would parse the relationships among us). Later, an informal dinner on our laps in the parlor (Betsey’s spicy eggplant, which Frank still remembers as unbearably hot)—the same group as went walking earlier, plus Caroline (did Rebecca and Jan join us?)…
1987: Touchstone. Household: Just Mica and William (Harry and James having moved out in November). Quiet Christmas—“Farewell to the Old” with Harry and James (probably on Christmas Eve; James died the following April). Midnight Mass? Mica, William, Betsey and Kris go hiking on Mt. Tamalpais on Christmas Day, making tea afterwards on a spirit stove in the open trunk of the ’48 Chevrolet. I believe Janaia and William didn’t share Christmas this year, though they likely visited at some point not too long before—perhaps for tea? I know Bill (Robyn) came to Touchstone at least once; maybe this was the time.
1988: Ashbury Street. (William having left Touchstone and moved to Ashbury Street with Steve in November)—William and Steve host a Housewarming and Holiday Tea. Was Janaia there? With Bill (Robyn)? I can’t recall. William spent Christmas day with Steve’s family in Atherton, so Janaia and William obviously weren’t together for the holiday itself.
1989: Mexico. William and Steve go to Mexico with Steve’s parents and sister. I expect William and Janaia got together some time before Christmas, but I have no record of it. This was the season when William was working so hard to complete his Mandelstam piece.
1990: Laussat Street. (William and Steve having moved from Ashbury Street in August)—The year of the Grand Laussat St. Christmas Eve Dinner. Janaia and Bill (Robyn) arrive in the afternoon, and William bursts into tears (having been cooking till 3 am the previous night) as Joan Baez sings “Carol of the Birds.” At dinner: William and Steve, Janaia and Bill (Robyn,) Len and Alice (Steve’s parents), Laurie, Nancy, Young, Opie, and Stuart (two of Steve’s sisters and partners, and a nephew), and Robin White. Candles everywhere, including the Christmas tree in the dining room. Menu: Cream of Sorrel Soup, Goose with Quinces and Port Wine Gravy, various vegetables, Plum Pudding. Len spills coffee on the tablecloth, and Alice says imperiously: “Salt!” It worked…Steve goes to Atherton with his parents after dinner, and Janaia and Bill (Robyn) spend the night at Laussat St., then go to Janaia’s family; William goes to Atherton for Christmas day.
1991: Laussat Street, Lone Bobcat Woods. Big Solstice Open House at Laussat Street; lots of people, including Frank (Caroline having died the previous April, and Mica in November). Then William, Steve and Frank go to Lone Bobcat Woods for Christmas with Janaia and Bill (Robyn)—this is the Antelope Christmas (because the centerpiece of Christmas dinner was to be haunch of antelope, shot by Janaia’s Uncle Bob; Janaia announces, optimistically: “William will know how to cook it!” ). Frank, though still deeply grieving, catches Janaia under the mistletoe: “Look where you’re standing!” he says, and kisses her. At dinner, Christmas day: Janaia and Bill (Robyn); Rowena, Harris, Terry, Uncle Bob, and Bobby (Janaia’s mother, father, sister, uncle, and step-cousin respectively); William, Steve, and Frank; and Martin Cooper, a friend from Xerox.
1992: Laussat Street. Betsey comes to visit, pregnant. Christmas tree candle-lighting tea party a few days before Christmas (the tree is in the parlor bay window)—Rain and Serena, Rain’s friend Ilma from Brazil, Willow, William and Steve, numerous others. Janaia and Bill (Robyn) arrive Christmas Eve—more lit candles on the tree, tea with Len and Alice (Steve’s parents), followed by hors d’oeuvres, soup, and carols (were they unaccompanied? Seems improbable, but it’s in my notes that we sang, and there was no piano. Maybe Steve had purchased his electronic keyboard?) Christmas day, William visits John (now very sick, but still at home with Brian; he died the following March); Betsey develops gynecological troubles and William takes her to the hospital (SF General), where, in the OB/GYN emergency room, William recognizes Linda Maxey, former Shanti staff counselor (“Birth and death, it’s pretty much the same thing,” she says after it’s clear that Betsey and the child are okay; “it’s the part in the middle that I can’t deal with!”) Buzz and Bob, Janaia and Bill (Robyn) for Christmas dinner, perhaps others—Steve hosts in William’s absence, Betsey and William eat leftovers after returning from the hospital.
1993: Laussat Street. William and Steve have broken up over the course of the fall, but are still living together. After difficult negotiation, they decide to host a quiet gathering on December 23rd. Guests include Frank (in California for the holidays), Janaia and Bill (Robyn), Tony Hebert (Mica’s last partner), Willow, Robin White, Kathy McNicholas, and Carol Gerstein. We light candles on the tree, do a ritual, sing carols, and eat preserved goose and soup. Steve leaves for his sister’s in Utah the next morning; William, Frank, Janaia and Bill (Robyn) share Christmas eve. This is likely one of the years that William and Janaia went to church—perhaps for the rather high-church mass at the small Romanesque church near Gough and Fell? On Christmas Day William and Frank go to Eleanor Dickerman’s, taking more of the preserved goose, while Janaia and Bill (Robyn) presumably head to some event with Janaia’s family. After Frank leaves, William goes to his first Billy Club New Year’s gathering, and announces his intention to “reclaim the thread of his authentic life,” as he separates from Steve.
1994: Lone Bobcat Woods. The Dorothy Christmas. William has moved to Collingwood Street. Frank comes for the season, and he and William go to Lone Bobcat Woods to be with Janaia and Bill (Robyn), and the latter’s mother, Dorothy. Dorothy can be trying, but her visit is an important milestone for Bill (Robyn), and the time is marked by real sweetness. A high point: late on Christmas morning, when the sun has taken the edge off the chill, we take Dorothy to the West Property to see the meadow where the Nisenan and Maidu people gathered, from which there is a fine view (through and over the trees) to the San Juan Ridge, the rive hidden deep below. The five of us eat goose off the china that William has brought from San Francisco. After returning to the city and taking Frank to the airport, William goes to his second Billy Club New Year’s gathering, where, while he unaccountably sleeps through the talent show, an unknown person shaves off his mustache, and Marlene Dietrich makes a dramatic appearance before an adoring Billy Club crowd.
1995: Janaia and William have separate Christmases, having been together over Thanksgiving. William has moved to Martha’s Vineyard, and Janaia’s partner has embarked on the process that ultimately leads to gender change and a new life—with a first “coming-out” (other than to Janaia) happening on the Vineyard with William. A momentous step, which William endorses enthusiastically. The newly-emerging person has taken the name Vanessa. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, William goes to New York to visit Harry and Jimmie. There is a snowstorm—William and Jimmie go downtown to meet Harry at the end of his work day, and the three of them tramp happily through a magical world, the almost-deserted streets transformed by fast-accumulating swirling snow. A day or two later William takes the train to Providence, then drives with Frank to Vermont for Christmas with Betsey, Alan, and Tara, staying at the Lake House Inn. Immediately thereafter, they return to Providence and William flies to California for the Billy Club.
1996: Uncle Seth’s Pond. Janaia comes with her partner, now Belle, who plans a first “real-life test”—that is, she wants to pass as female for the entire visit. William takes them to the Cleaveland House , where they meet Dionis Riggs, age 98. They also connect with William’s neighbor Danga Gabis, and sit with her at the carol service at the Lambert’s Cove Church. Frank comes for the holiday, and the four of them have Christmas dinner at the Seth’s Pond house. Janaia and Belle stay on after Frank leaves; William has decided to forego the Billy Club. Snow falls on a bitterly cold New Year’s eve; the three of them go to the “Crossover Ball,” an AIDS Alliance benefit and the only public event of the Vineyard year at which cross-dressing is actually invited. (They note the irony of this, since Belle is not “cross-dressing,” rather dressing as herself; nevertheless, they go, Janaia in a suit (?) and William giving a merely a nod to the theme by wearing a dress-up outfit in his usual style, with the pants replaced by a long black skirt.) On New Year’s Day, they go for a walk in the snow to the top of Prospect Hill, then William introduces Janaia and Belle to the concept and practice of Heart Circle, in spirit connection with the Billy Club.
1997: Lone Bobcat Woods. The Rowena Christmas. William has returned to his San Francisco apartment on Collingwood St. for the winter and spring, in order to prepare for his trip to Russia in May, when he will take his Mandelstam piece to St. Petersburg. Frank arrives, and he and William go to Lone Bobcat Woods for a Christmas planned with especial tenderness for Rowena, Janaia’s mother, who has been undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Bill/Vanessa/Belle is now Robyn; William informs her that it is the last name change he will honor. Rowena is radiant, with a soft glow and lovely snow-white hair. There are fourteen people at Christmas dinner: Janaia, Robyn, Rowena, Frank, William, Harris (Janaia’s father), Uncle Bob (Rowena’s brother), Margaret and Joe (Rowena’s sister and brother-in-law), Terry (Janaia’s sister), Sharyn and Steve, Anne and Chris (local friends of Janaia and Robyn’s). After Christmas William and Frank return to San Francisco, celebrate Frank’s birthday (December 27) with Eleanor Dickerman, then Frank departs for the East Coast and William goes to the Billy Club.
1998: Lone Bobcat. Christmas with a houseful (but not with Frank). William, having returned from Russia in June, has given up his San Francisco apartment and returned to Martha’s Vineyard, right after the memorial for Janaia’s father, Harris, in October. William flies to Sacramento and is met by Janaia and Robyn a few days before Christmas. Twenty-five (?) for Christmas dinner, including lots of Janaia’s relatives and a number of local friends, including, for the first time, the Hild family. The only thing I remember clearly is kicking everybody out the door about half an hour before dinnertime in order to set up the tables, which ran the width of the house. This is the year that Janaia has accepted William’s invitation to accompany him to the Billy Club; she considers not going because she has a nasty cold, but decides to travel anyway. As William has predicted, she is warmly welcomed and is moved by the depth and openness she sees.
1999: Uncle Seth’s Pond. Janaia and Robyn on Martha’s Vineyard Dec. 14-28. Tea party and carol-sing at Janet Holladay’s house in Oak Bluffs: William, Janaia and Robyn, Betsey and Tara, Linsey and Brendan, Peter and John, Rebecca Gilbert, Lesli Harrer, Janet Holladay. A first fusion of William’s California and Vineyard worlds. Robyn’s chronic fatigue worsens, and she must spend much of the holiday in bed. Harry’s attempts to arrange a brief visit fall through at the last minute because he, his partner Jimmie, and his sister Mike are finalizing the purchase of the property that is to become True North Farm. Frank arrives Dec. 23; William, Frank, Janaia and Robyn have Christmas dinner at the Seth’s Pond house, then go to Danga Gabis’s for dessert. Frank returns to Providence the next day; two days after that, William, Janaia, and Robyn all leave on the same ferry and travel by bus to the Boston airport—Janaia and Robyn to head home, William to go to the Billy Club, where he arrives after a 36-hour travel nightmare.
2000: Lone Bobcat Woods. A quiet Christmas. William flies to San Francisco, then drives to Lone Bobcat on the Solstice. A day or so later, Janaia, Robyn, and William drive to town for sweet reunion at a tea-shop in Grass Valley with a radiant Georgia Dow (recovering from cancer surgery), then dinner and the theatre with Sharyn McDonald and her partner Steve. Other than that, they stay close to home, enjoying the sanctuary of the woods, and have a quiet Christmas dinner à trois. Janaia and Robyn are eagerly planning their trip to Thailand, where Robyn’s transformation will become complete. She is so totally a woman now, it is hard to remember that it was once otherwise. The day after Christmas, William drives to Davis to connect with Rob Roy Woodman, with whom he travels to the Billy Club.
2001: Christmas on the Fly, for William anyway. Since he will be away from the Vineyard for the holiday, he hosts a goose dinner at the Seth’s Pond house in early December for Linsey and Brendan, Peter and John, and Janet Holladay—an un-Christmas celebration with his Vineyard family. Frank has moved out of the old family house in Providence and into his apartment in the retirement community; William arrives there on Christmas eve, bringing Martha’s Vineyard bay scallops, which he cooks for dinner. That night he goes to St. Stephen’s Episcopal, the church where he often attended Midnight Mass in high-school and college years; he finds the high-church ritual, in that handsome, very Church-of-England setting, as moving as ever. On Christmas day he flies to San Francisco, with more scallops for dinner with Bur. On Boxing Day Janaia and Robyn drive to San Francisco to visit with William and Bur, and spend the night; the following day, William leaves for the Billy Club. Janaia, Robyn and William have another opportunity to visit in San Francisco in early January when they go to their first Zuni Café dinner.
2002: Uncle Seth’s Pond; Lone Bobcat Woods. Once again, William decides to go to California for Christmas, and therefore schedules an early-season tea party for December 7 at the Seth’s Pond house. He has opted not to decorate with boughs, since it seems too early for Christmas greenery—but a substantial snowfall two days before the party induces him to change his mind. The little house is crowded with people, and William is forced to re-assess his sense of having few friends on Martha’s Vineyard. Betsey and Tara show up on the doorstep while the party is in full swing, having traveled from Vermont (and by bus and on foot from Vineyard Haven). William is speechless. Their presence is completely unanticipated, but all the more delightful for that. A week later, William flies to San Francisco, then takes the train (and connecting bus) to Nevada City on December 23. Janaia and Robyn meet him, and the three of them go to dinner at the National Hotel—a historic landmark from the gold-rush era, and also a sentimental landmark for Janaia and William, since they ate there on their first night in Nevada City, when William brought Janaia to the area to introduce her to the magic of the South Yuba River in 1986.
2002, continued: Back at Lone Bobcat Woods. This is the year of the Dark and Heartfelt Christmas—tea on Christmas eve, lots of candle-light and sharing from the heart. Just Janaia, Robyn, and William, except for dinner on Christmas night, when they are joined by Sharyn McDonald for a tender, quiet celebration. Sharyn and William “host” the dinner, to solve the seating plan. After dinner, a heart-full carol sing.
This is also the year that Janaia and Robyn have both decided to accompany William to the Billy Club. The three of them have a difficult drive (clutch worries, rain), and arrive late, but settle in, and are glad to share the experience. After the gathering is over, Janaia and Robyn visit Janaia’s old friend Lea in Ukiah, while William spends a couple of nights with Billy friends, as part of his search for possible clues about a hypothetical future in Northern California. Driving to San Francisco, the three of them stop off for a visit in Sausalito with Steven Hill—another connection that Janaia and William share, this one dating from 1981. Which brings this chronicle back to its beginning, since it was through Steven and his partner Anna Turner that Janaia and William first met. Janaia was doing graphic design for the business that Anna and Steven had started (Music from the Hearts of Space, named after their radio show), when Steven asked Janaia to track down a calligrapher named William Stewart, because he (Steven) had liked this person’s work on a poster he had seen. Janaia tells of finding William after a difficult search, asking him to do calligraphy for the Hearts of Space project, and receiving a firm “no” in response. But she eventually persuaded him to change his mind, and one thing led to another…William made dinner for her at the apartment where he was living on Frederick St.—a simple meal, just leek and potato soup and a salad, and some minimal dessert—and here they are, after all these years, in 2003, for the Cleaveland House Christmas, which will bring one more season of shared blessings to be chronicled, if time and fate allow.
